My New Philosophy

It seems as if the last three weeks have been dedicated to the rise of my self esteem. If I was at notch 3 before the cosmic universe seemed to have been on the path of getting me to notch twenty. If my title did not give this blog away I would like to now announce that this will be purely philosophical, By pure I mean all the stories will have been of detrimental worth if I consider them anything but slightly intangible.



Not too long ago I believed that the guys I like are the guys I am not worthy of. Pretty? Not for me. Nice? Can't stand the sight of me probably. Honest? Now why would I even look at him without paying a fee?



The same rules almost applied to women. Except instead of admitting my uncool defeat with them I would hate, despise and torture them, claiming the disdain was genetic. But now, if anyone missed and episode, I had that one guy that made my misconceptions about all of that disappear into a dark Neverland mist. That clicked my confidence up about ...hmm 10 notches?

I also had those roommates that were lovely and nice. The loveliest and most popular of them all hugged me for heavens sake. I may have discovered a way to alter genetics... up about 3 notches.

New best friend, 5 notches.



But then there was Jigga. None of this would have passably been able to sustain itself through my old memories and daunting nightmares if Jigga had not assigned me some self esteem homework. Scriptures, talks, and more scriptures were emailed to me and I was ordered to read.

I believe it may be irreverent to express what I wish to in a blog situation so I will merely say that that may have put all the other clicks to shame.



Have you ever seen a trick done ten thousand times and assumed that that experience alone was enough to make you expert the first time you tired? That you could make the most golden cookies or make that watch disappear? But true experience has now taught you, seeing is only believing, not feeling. At the first test for each of these facts that people tell me about myself none of them withstood their first test. Although I will always believe myself beautiful because of the mysterious stranger that swept me off my feet, believing is not a feeling.

So how was it tested you ask? In the same way all young women are tested, with the undeserving eyes of a dog. A dog licks and plays but the bite is so terrible that the scars last a lifetime. Because all of this new self confidence had not yet been tested to be strengthened I allowed myself to be treated as if I believed the dog was of more worth than I...

Thankfully that is over. Thankfully he is gone. Thankfully I have a David.

So When I see it, I'll believe it, but only when it's tested will I feel it.

And that's my new Philosophy!