(Sick Days)

Always the same.

A phrase no one is ever enchanted by. There is no gumption in such a notion. But, think about all the times we desire those events that always seem to be the same; A movie, a book, a kiss on the forehead, the news of a friend. Tragically, these always seem to remind us in the midst of their occurrence that, once again, the outcome will not change. No matter how hard we seem to hope, you and I dear reader, we can see that we forgot. Forgot to be sensible, to weigh the consequences, or protect what we are.



I remember in elementary school when the children would all treat the one snot nosed kid like he were the unbless-ed creature with the plague. Then our own noses would get runny and we would beg to our parents to let us stay home. Home then became a sanctuary of warm and inviting things. Mother would lie you down with the blankets from her own bed, a hot cup of cider and always make sure you had more than enough to eat. I'll bet you can still remember closing your eyes and feeling as if your fever that was drying your eyes were a reflection of all the comfort that was being provided personally for you.



And that, dear reader, is the moment when you forever wish for a sick day. Then you discover how it feels to have a paper due, a concert to get to and... a cough, and no other sick day has ever been quite so convenient. You weren't hoping when you woke up that morning to have to take care of yourself, or cancel plans with a friend-- you had been hoping for that worm wintry sick day.

As will always be, my first few sick days in Utah happened on the first snowfall of the winter, and quite honestly, the first snowfall of my life. I had spent the last few weeks cooped up in my little world of lazy, but the night before the terror I had determined to be a productive human being. Alas, I still felt the determination when I woke up...at noon, in cold sweat. So I was pathetic, hypocritic, and mal-aphobic.

Hope does, more often than we would like to realize, grants us our wishes. But why, so often, do we hope for what we know
will not change.

The Reason for Imperminent Things

All that I have ever known has been forever. My elementary school had always been my sisters elementary school and will always be mine. We always shop at Stater Brothers and Oreos will always be stalked ten boxes high in our pantry. That goes to prove that all good things do not come to an end but are easily expected to last forever. My parents will never move, Mark Twain will never be out of style and my name will always be beautiful. But this expectation has often proved to be a folly of mine. I deplore, I detest anything that is to end: friendships, books, meals. As you may imagine my life has been a lonely, boring, flavorless place. I lost happiness, I lost fulfilment and I lost pounds.

Around a point, the point at which I gave up on omelets, I realized that no longer was anything in my life permanent. My apartment, my roommates, my job, my hair color; all would invariably change and leave me, forever. So I changed, believing I was befitting of my surroundings. Inconsistency became my middle name and momentary happiness was all that I knew; Kiss him, eat that, spend this. Dedication to a practical non-entity seemed like a waste of my fluctuating time.

Eventually, as all senseless actions do, mine came to a strange roadblock. I wanted something to last, to last me anytime, even a short time. Why? I ask myself, why would I become attached to something that way? This something, as you may imagine, is a very special something. (and of coarse I would never cease to have fun for anything less) But the current state of my life remains, anything I encounter will not last much more than a season. (another new thing that is impermanent to me) In the beginning I deplored, I despised the idea of only being able to grasp this sort of happiness for a day, a week, a month. Forever, forever was all I would accept.
A conclusion was drawn from this! One that will slap me in the face each time I give up on anything in its birth! The thought of forever made me unhappy.

So what is the point of all this? Attachment still aches when it is broken, a favorite car, a circle of friends, the Star Wars movies; I have found that some good things do indeed come to an end. That does not challenge the fact that they are good things. A week in New York helps us see the world, but we cannot all live there! Pets die, classes end and yes friendships do break up, but those become memories to visit in the dark of December, pathways to new adventures and wounds to make the heart stronger. So why do we have things, wonderful things, that we can see the end to at the very beginning? Those are blessings reserved for a time when we are still waiting for our beginning.

An Unknown Participant

Outside my bedroom window there is a shortcut, the quickest way between the apartments and campus. When my blinds are open I get to see students walk to and from their classes. Most of the time it's backpack on, head down and walk fast. The only other variation seems to be if the persons hands are in their pocket or clutching a few last minute notes.

Today as I was folding clothes and enjoying the harsh wind blowing the trees I saw this exact pattern, but this time it put a smile on my face. Head down against the wind, grey backpack on and hands in the pockets of his rebelliously anti seasonal shorts a young man walked just underneath my window. Then I saw it, the look. He stopped in his tracks, looked straight ahead then turned on his heal. You know what that means. He forgot something and he was already late. You can feel it, anger frustration, disappointment and even a touch of embarrassment. You see the expression on his face in every detail, because you know it well. Whomever the reader is can relate to this most dreaded of interference with your routine. And that is why it made me smile. That is the first time that I had ever been an observer of such a moment. One that will not change anything to this young man, but feels like everything.

I smile because this made my passer-by human, real, full of thought and emotion, and all he did was turn around mid stride. How truly common the strife's of man are; that we may recognize these simplicities in our neighbors. You reader, this man, and I all have a common experience to share. How many universal experiences does the world have. Why isn't it as simple to see as looking out your bedroom window.

~And Then What Happened Was~

Sadly, I have been neglecting you of my wonderful adventures. I've had picnics in the cold, (literally multiple) gone star gazing indoors, found symbolism in the MTC, discovered how to both succeed and fail, been on at least a dozen dates, reviewed a play, and begun the Halloween ritual. Exciting right? The details are even more thrilling, compelling and thought provoking but, not on the forefront of my mind. Carlaberry can see what you cannot; that is not what a year off of school is about. Someone recently told me I was "livin' the life." While yes, being a professional dater was fun, I didn't even have to feed myself and I still gained weight, I had no job. I was not productive.

Someone invited me to an Astronomy Lab. I sat there holding hands with a cute boy and staring intently at a dome with spots of light that imitated galaxies and constellations. Did you know that Serious Black was named after a star!? A Star! Puck, Hercules and countless other folks we know are suspended in our skys and have been for as long as couples have been holding hands and gazing intently the different kinds of light that shine so beautifully.

The wonderful human being that let me have my first taste of college is now getting to see stars shine in my eyes, even the light that shines so beautifully, whenever he wants to. And good news to all you romantics out there, he wants to see my eyes quite often.

This particular weeks brand new adventure is that I have a bet going on. Apartment 26, and David specifically, had it coming to them anyway. Not the loss of their bet, you see if I loose I am supposed to make them dinner. I owe them so much foot it's not even funny and I need to practice my cooking skills so either way I win! In your face gambling little boys! But I'm going to win. I get a meal from Dairy Queen when David, once again, does not ask this girl on a date by the end of the week. Each week he promises he will, and each week he does not. Kevin believes that I don't know David as well as I think I do; that Dave will pull through even if only to help Kevin win the bet. He is wrong.

Official Rules

David Must ask her this week

David must actually go on the date this week, or in the event that she is busy, within an approved extended time.

The time cannot be extended further than a week

I win when David doesn't go on the date, then Kevin will by me a full meal at Dairy Queen.

Kevin wins if David is able to prove that he did, Kevin gets a home-made Chicken dinner.