Relateable Post

Often times I think about how alone people are. Most people would conciser themselves alone because no one is as loved as they need to be. If you are reading this and you are lucky enough to be perfectly loved I want you to look around, past your circle of infinite acceptance and find the most unlikable person you can and invite them into your circle.

This has Christian undertones and certainly depressing qualities but please think. Just think. Don't... don't count your blessings or try to fix anything. Just be honest. Nobody deserves to live.

I am often told to improve myself. To make everything better with this mental exerciser or that. But it will never fix my loneliness. My overwhelming infinite loneliness that could only be filled as a child with thousands of imaginary people populating my toys, my life, my mind. I wish I had something profound to say. I always used to try to have something profound to say. I thought it might make me a more interesting person that people might love. But alas. You can make no one love you. You can make no one trust you. You can make no one see you. All you have is luck. That dang stupid luck that socialization, skill and  parenting brought you.

It is no mistake that I have only had one friend in the coarse of my life. She hates the pressure of being my only friend. And I hate putting her in that position. But every day I find more people who hate me for who I am. More reasons why I am screwed up.

A bunch of crap has happened to me. And I have acted as a catalyst for that crap. Therefore crap likes me and gravitates toward me. Meanwhile the people around me get the preferential treatment of the universe. No one has died. Most people are happily married and it seems that everyone has had the same fiends since the 6th grade.

I have hurt every minute of every day since 2010. I have no secret message. No hopeful end. Nothing to gain from this post. I just want you all to be happy. I want you all to live well and to learn that people hurt sometimes. And sometimes that hurt cannot be fixed.